Undue Insistence on Kundli Matching by Parents

Many times I come across lovers who are trapped into issue of Kundli Matching.. While they are convinced with my views about futility of Kundli matching, they are not confident about convincing their parents. Yes. Our culture has imbibed within us a deep sense of reverence for elders and parents. I do not say that we should not respect our parents and elders. I do not encourage a conflict in the family. However, I wish that one should think on following points, too. Telling you frankly, we are not reasonable in many issues like ‘Kundli Matching’ etc.

  • we do not know whom to regard in what subject.
    • We don’t mind giving our head in the hands of a filthy barber..but we don’t allow shaking hands with opposite gender..(its true about indians)..we rely on an unknown, uneducated..addicted..(some times even drunken) driver of a public bus but we don’t rely on God….Our elders keep worshiping Radha-Krishna..but they are harsh with lovers..
  • It is a pity that our elders are hypocritical in many ways.. they boast about our great cultural wisdom.. but just for the sake of boasting.. their notions are not clear about Shastras or to be frank, even what is Kundli as such. As regards ‘Kundli Matching’; It is like exploring the world with the help of 16th century map.

This is true about you too. I feel you need to assess your own clarity of mind. How about asking a few questions to yourself ? Take a piece of paper divide it into two parts . On one side, put questions.. on the other side write down your answers .

You might laugh at me.. but believe me, when it is an important issue, we need clarity and our mind comes straight only when we make it answer the questions on a medium like paper (its imbibed into our learning methodology .. this is the way we have been taught in the schools..) Further, it presents an overview of an otherwise confusing issue..

Ask following questions :

  • What for you want to marry ?
  • Is it for you or for your parents ?
  • Why do you want to marry with a particular person?
    • is it because you love him/her or
    • will it be OK only if theres good matching between your kundlies..?

Do parents know the characteristics of a spouse that would be more suitable for you ?

•Do they have knowledge and skill to analyze personality traits?

•Do they really know what would be the challenges of a couple in the next 50 years?

•Do they keep themselves updated with the societal developments in the world?

•Most elders have given up education immediately upon their getting employment or marriage.

You will agree that a statement like ‘Experience of office work’ is not a complete statement. A pantry boy will not have experience of communication even if he works for 30 years in a business workplace. You need to assess experience of your parents on the same lines.

  • They have lived longer, true, but how long exposure they have in issues like finding suitable match for their children?
  • How good are they at assessment of personality and values of a candidate ?
  • Their opinion in this regard can be considered only if you have 3-4 elder siblings and your parents could successfully examine suitable spouse for them.

Now answer the following :

  • What will happen if you marry with the lover without the approval of parents?
  • Do you think you will remain a good child only if you marry as per their wish ?
  • What are the duties of a child towards parents ?
  • Do you think that there won’t be any avenues to show love, affection and respect for your elders if you miss to show the same through marriage as desired by them?
  • Would you take your Dad to a surgeon if he develops cataracts in his eyes ? Or would you pamper him with cataracts ? (blind faith in shastras is a kind of cataract)

I thought of writting an article on this subject for parents, but very few indian parents go online..they are not net-friendly yet. I know that at this point of time only youngsters use internet. Friends, clarity of mind is very important because that,and only, decides whether one can be happy or unhappy in future.

Be Blessed and Joyous

Further Readings